You have no idea how I feel, so please back off. I may seem to be free from troubles, but somehow or another my mind acts up, albeit in a subtle manner, slowly knocking me off balance. Indeed, some might have not experienced this before. Liberty from such depths beckons in the distance. Yet, what is the right path to take? The internal struggle wretches my mind and dims my focus, but something else inside continues to assert an exceptional strength to shepherd me back onto course. Just a few more days, then perhaps I will stop carrying this on my back. Just a few more days till I slip away into anonymity, drift slowly back into the huge wave. Or perhaps, it might change nothing. I'll find out in due time.

I do not urge any to assume what is tugging at my heart with increased regularity; instead, just treat me like you have always done. I am only here because I need a brief respite from these overwhelming emotions. I need to regain that reasoning and rationale I always valued. I need an avenue to express my feelings, but I do not wish for anybody to order me around, for a plan is being churned out at this moment - my future actions are gradually being mapped out - I will stay on track. I suppose it can't get any worse. Furthermore, it might just be the re-emergence of the pessimist in me. Either that or it's just my own lack of confidence, the evaporation of self-belief.

**

Oh really?

My hair is deemed too long.

I shall not speak anymore. The anger and irritation has been accumulating. Please, even my parents think this is ridiculous. You push us to one corner and we have already given in to your demands. Do you expect us to fucking walk through the wall like Criss Angel? Please, we haven't sold our souls. We're sane humans with a sense of pride. You might think I'm just an angsty teenager, muddle-headed with a bunch of wrong ideals. It's your opinion. Since when did a school require their male students to shave away their sideburns wholly? I emphasise on wholly. This is education.

**

Sometimes, you wake up full of longing.
Sometimes, you open your eyes, facing a new day which seems just like the last.
Sometimes, forgetting is the hardest thing to do.
Sometimes, remembering is not convenient at all.
Sometimes, you clench your fist, willing your anger away.
Sometimes, you vent all that pent up frustration on a living object.
Sometimes, life does a double take on you, and you're caught unaware.
Sometimes, nothing goes the way you want.
Sometimes, everything works out so smoothly, it's like you own all the lubricating oil in the world.
Sometimes, we fail to see things from another perspective.
Sometimes, standing on top of the table, we manage to gain new insights.
Sometimes, we love it all.
Sometimes, we detest every single organism present in front of our eyes.

Sometimes.

**

Peace.
Remember, we're still sane, and I hope we can remain this way.

Embrace change.
Embrace life.
Spread your wings and fly.

**

Although the reason for doing so was unclear, you may have been clinging onto something for your dear life and depleted every ounce of energy to hold on to it, never wanting to let go. In restrospect, there have been many, even countless times, when one may succumb to such foolish actions. Sure, It really exemplified the lack of intellect. However, were you aware of your thoughts at that point of time? Was your head ruled by your heart? It's somewhat comforting to delve up past stories, to dwell on minute matters which were once blew out of proportion. Reveling in reminiscence, we often realise, who and what we are now were all in one way or another, moulded by what we went through. Finally, shutting down our recollection machine, we focus on the future and live for the moment.

We learn from our past mistakes and prepare for takeoff.
Time to fly.

**

Love life.
Love Hoegaarden.
Oops.

Nobody wanted it to happen, in one context or another.
Josiah's jaw is cracked.
He feels bad.
We feel bad.

However, it's going to be fine, and we have to do it for him. Simple as that.

**

Speaking of not wanting to happen, things always end up in a terribly unpleasant manner. To put it simply, so be it. If you can't do anything to change it, let it be, then work on it.

**

Well, hope Josiah gets well soon. If I were in his position, hearing 'no more sports for 3 months,' I would have cried as well. Indeed is heartbreaking. Well, such is life.

**

So after these 3 games in the second round, we're through to the semi-finals.

Catholic High 6 - 4 Raffles Institution
Catholic High 2 - 8 Anglo Chinese School (Independent)
Catholic High 23 - 0 Yuying

There's nothing to lose.
What we can do - go get it.

GOD-SPEED, baby.
GOT-SPEED as well.

Today's match was good shit.
67-59, I think.
Great game, great start, great end.

Basketball National 'B' Division Champions.
Congratulations to Shaun and Co.

Lovely to sing the school song while people watch with that amazement. (In some cases, disgust. Well, perhaps they don't love their school song. Too bad.)

**

Today's paper was English.
Today's paper was like what we perceived it to be.
Fun. Abso-fuckin-lutely, baby.

**

Tomorrow's paper is Higher chinese.
Tomorrow's paper will be like what we perceive it to be.
Fun. Abso-fuckin-lutely, baby.

**

Bye.
Sleep is good.
Oh yes, NAPFA 5 stations tomorrow as well.
SIT AND REACH,
bitch.

When one truly loves something too much, he either lets go or clings onto it for his dear life.

When one's passion overwhelms, he either breaks new frontiers or he tries his utmost best to tide through the tough times.

When one makes innumerable sacrifices, he either values one thing or another too much.

When one is disappointed, he either loses his faith or learns that faith can be consolidated.

When one scolds, he either loves it or hates it.

When one cares, he either shows it explicitly or tries to make it look like he doesn't.

When one tries, he either works for it from the bottom of his heart or attempts only because it is a duty/command.

When one has faith, it is either reciprocated or he is left with a tinge of regret.

When one truly loves a game, others either begin to love it or will never love it.

**

For you.
As we begin to comprehend, our hearts tell us to do the right thing.

Pro-rating? Ok.
Postponed match? Ok.
Calm down? Ok.

It's a wonder how I've lived these past 3 years, and now I'm staring the Prelims in the face. The fabled Prelims, (especially English) which basically turns the hall into a slaughterhouse. Haha.

Well, the rain is really a bloody pain in the ass, but what can we do about it?
Nothing.

**

Ah, the mystical Anonymous.
A tad too profound to comprehend. Nevertheless, quite intriguing in itself. Perhaps when I truly grasp the meaning of your words then perhaps I can thank you once again.

What, what do you think can describe how I feel now?
Nothing.

It's utterly mad.
It's utterly impossible.
It's utterly disgusting.

I can't be bothered.

At least not today.

So I'm truly lousy.

Over.

Congratulations to Catholic High 'C' Division Volleyball!
Champions.

**

See, today's talk.
Monogamy, polygamy, promiscuity...

So on and so forth.
It wasn't about sexuality education - the way we perceive it. I know, most of the time we just brush it off, think about it for 30 seconds and move on. We, or most of us for that matter, regard it as a useless and boring lesson, just because we think we know more than what the speaker is saying.

So can you say you knew more?
So can you say that didn't get you thinking?

Well, just for the record, I've always regarded monogamy as the way to go.
Well, I don't really care what you think.

But think for yourselves...
There's still time to rediscover yourself.
Deconstruct and reconstruct.

The talk got me right in the face.
Now perhaps I'll try my utmost best to start on that journey, before it hurts too much to even start.

**

The most we can play is 4 more.
Imagine.

What the fuck?

I just deleted all I wrote in 5 minutes in 3 seconds.



So, just use your 'Fukrum'.

**

Obviously, I know you all hate me.

I heard Slipknot and saw my hand moving. That was all.

**

And so the hate courses through your veins. You let it run free, just like a free radical, and you give it permission to be in control. Yet, oh, how contradictory, it had not committed any acts of hatred. No acts of crime, no discrimination, no love lost, in simple terms - the hate did not fuel any hatred. It was a driving force for your performance, it boosted your confidence. Hate drove you, just like how petrol drives cars. Hatred was your power and your energy. You drew an immeasurable amount of strength from it. No hate wasn't and wouldn't be your enemy. You adored hate. Oh, what an oxymoron. Oh, but yes you loved hate, right down to its every single flaw. You overlooked the risks for it didn't frighten you. When the time came, when it chilled right down to the bone, you were on your knees, soul, brain and heart consumed. You were no longer you - the you who thought hate could be controlled.

**

I can't really hear what you say. Oh, so that's what you think. Do I bother? I trust my stuff, remember, oh-I-do.

**

So, so, so be it.

Hate. Hate. Hate.
Push, push, push, till you feel pain. Cling onto your dear life, for its claws are digging into your skin, tearing you away, bit by bit, piece by piece.

Your screams - muffled.
Your heart - weak.
Your love - barely sufficient.
Your hate - so intense, oh so intense.

What purpose does it serve?
None than to do you in, to do you in. And so you cave in, the pain inching throughout your body, devouring you.

Bye.

A good amount of gore, yet it does not totally qualify as a horror film. Blood and violence aside, Battle Royale does (in whatever warped way) bring about a few thinking points. I, in a guilt-ridden tone, would ask any of you with an open mind to catch it, and then sort of ponder over the possibility of Battle Royale happening in the near future. Nothing's impossible. So, like I've mentioned, catch it if you can, not for the head-bashing, decapitation or whatnot. Look deeper, perhaps it'll give you a more lucid picture, a clearer view of what could and might happen. Honestly, like I said, nothing's impossible.

**

Like it has come to hit me, nothing would qualify as a problem if there weren't solutions. So are there?

**

Lastly, I trust my stuff. Do you have sufficient faith in yours?
Something tells me I'll have less and less sniffs of assembly...

And I'm sleeping early again tonight. Right about now, after I publish this entry.

So make your mental preparations, be prepared to see it all sliding down the drain. Watch, watch with wide mouthed awe as every single ounce of effort evaporates. Gaze, gaze reluctantly as an unknown force gets a way with your hark work.

Standing rooted to the ground, feet bounded by invisible ropes, your movement is restricted. You start flailing your hands with all your might, but to no avail. You reach out, looking at the love(s) of your life slip away. You grasp hard, you grasp even harder, but all you reach is the thinning air. Your short breaths start turning irregular. Your lungs contract too quickly.

The windows to your soul seem corroded. They seemed to have been stung. Your head, your heart, target practice for a thousand arrows laden with poison. They travel through your body viciously and quickly, eating everything in its way. The pain only gives you hope. Or was it just an illusion? You reach out for one last time. You're unsure of what you grabbed onto. With your vision blurred, you need time to figure something out. It hurts right down to the bone, but you still raise your hands. They weigh a ton.

You're too late.

Before the tears could be wiped off, before it all ends, you thought you could. No, you couldn't. Your eyes shut involuntarily. Swept into darkness, you're unable to control your body as your soul leaves the world.


Gone with the wind, just like any other.


**

Bye.

My head hurts no more.
My heart is clear, my brain is functioning.
I won't stop trying.

Learn more about me!
I'm too opinionated and idealistic to be your friendly neighbourhood superhero.

Credits.
Rusroulette/Adele

Shoot me.
new_u_fan@hotmail.com